I cried yesterday. Wept. Sobbed. My voice cracked and my body heaved and my mucus flowed. I lost control at the time when control mattered so much. The tears just came; could do nothing to stop it. I took deep breaths to calm myself. I tried to wrench my soul out of the situation. Tried to detach the puppet from the puppeteer. But nothing worked. I lost myself. That stoic strength. That mask of control (oh I know just how loosely that damn mask fits now).
You see, I consider myself very much in control. It gives me security and familiarity; it is my comfort zone. It is why I take such great pains to consider the many elements to ensure that I am prepared for them; in that way, they fall under some measure of control. It's a profoundly humbling experience - an anagnorisis. To suddenly realize that what you think of yourself is so far from what you actually are. And in that peripeteic moment, the confidence, the assurance, the pride, the arrogance... all of that shatters - the mirror cracked from side to side. They do it with mirrors, yes. The delusions and the illusions. And beyond the mirror lies a dark passageway. Another journey of apprehension, trepidation and insecurity.
People like me are in constant pursuit of the truth of the Self. That elusive, evergreen and ineffable grasp of our own identity. And all we get are glimpses of the layers. There's the person that I know I should be, the person I'd like to think of myself as, the person I think other people see, the person other people actually see... all these make up the many sides of the polygon of our identity. And the best part is, they change. Oh yes. That's how the Self stays one step ahead. Just as you think you know who you really are, the real you has already moved on. Or rather, morphed on; mutated on. It's why the quest for self-knowledge never ends. It is the dragon that chases its own tail. It is the Neverending Story. It is the journey of a lifetime.
Name: Foo Guo Zhong Melvyn
Age: 19+
Affiliations: MSHS (Pri), Rosyth, RI, RJC, SFX (LoG)
Bday: 14th Nov
Email: mel_protoss@hotmail.com
I cried yesterday. Wept. Sobbed. My voice cracked and my body heaved and my mucus flowed. I lost control at the time when control mattered so much. The tears just came; could do nothing to stop it. I took deep breaths to calm myself. I tried to wrench my soul out of the situation. Tried to detach the puppet from the puppeteer. But nothing worked. I lost myself. That stoic strength. That mask of control (oh I know just how loosely that damn mask fits now).
You see, I consider myself very much in control. It gives me security and familiarity; it is my comfort zone. It is why I take such great pains to consider the many elements to ensure that I am prepared for them; in that way, they fall under some measure of control. It's a profoundly humbling experience - an anagnorisis. To suddenly realize that what you think of yourself is so far from what you actually are. And in that peripeteic moment, the confidence, the assurance, the pride, the arrogance... all of that shatters - the mirror cracked from side to side. They do it with mirrors, yes. The delusions and the illusions. And beyond the mirror lies a dark passageway. Another journey of apprehension, trepidation and insecurity.
People like me are in constant pursuit of the truth of the Self. That elusive, evergreen and ineffable grasp of our own identity. And all we get are glimpses of the layers. There's the person that I know I should be, the person I'd like to think of myself as, the person I think other people see, the person other people actually see... all these make up the many sides of the polygon of our identity. And the best part is, they change. Oh yes. That's how the Self stays one step ahead. Just as you think you know who you really are, the real you has already moved on. Or rather, morphed on; mutated on. It's why the quest for self-knowledge never ends. It is the dragon that chases its own tail. It is the Neverending Story. It is the journey of a lifetime.